How to be a good boss, not a good friend

Early on in my management career, I was quite popular with my employees. They loved working for me, and we had a great relationship. To top it all off, they were a very productive and loyal group of folks that made me look especially good. Sounds like an ideal situation, doesn’t it?

Well, not quite. As things progressed, I started to recognize the danger that was beginning to present itself. It’s only human nature to befriend those that you see and work with on a daily basis. What I didn’t realize was that I was slowly becoming everyone’s friend, not their boss.

So why is this so dangerous? Most don’t think there is anything wrong with this. Some would say that being friends with your workers is the best method of management. But I strongly disagree.

When you become friends with someone that works for you, you open the door to failure. No matter how much you think of someone, chances are they are using you to get away with things that you normally wouldn’t tolerate. Bob and you are friends, so you wouldn’t write him up if he called in sick to go watch the football game, would you?

Now you see where this is going. You let Bob slide a little because you like him. Then Bob starts to brag on his break about how you and him are cool, so he can get away with this stuff. The next day, Sally calls out of work because she is tired. Sally and Bob both have an attendance issue.

But since Bob is your friend, you ignore his behavior, yet reprimand Sally. Now you are showing favoritism, the most destructive thing you can do in a workplace. So Sally talks to Bob about how she got written up, and Bob brags about how he did not. Next thing you know, Sally is badmouthing you all over the place.

And since you happen to be a male, Sally’s friend mentions to her that you may have just exhibited sexual harassment. Next thing you know, you’re in a courtroom defending yourself. And guess what, Sally is going to win because you have no leg to stand on! Not to mention that your company is going to leave you standing alone, because they don’t condone such a thing and they already fired you for this behavior.

Just imagine if you promoted Bob ahead of Sally. Or if you were to pick and choose between everyone and this was happening on a larger basis. You would quickly develop a reputation, and not the kind that has a positive impact on your career.

The reality of it all is that your associates either like you, tolerate you, or despise you. None of this matters as long as you are treating all of them fairly and consistently. If you write someone up and they go over your head and cry harassment or favoritism, you will have nothing to worry about.

And they will, inevitably. People know what to say and do if they don’t like someone in a leadership position. It’s just a fact of life that someone at some time is going to try and get you canned. The key is to not give them a reason to can you.

What most associates truly want is a boss that cares about what they think and doesn’t treat them like a robot. Spend some time each day and ask people how they are doing. Talk to them at least for a few minutes about something other than work. For instance, I can tell you the favorite sports team of almost every associate that works for me. Another good piece of advice is to keep tabs on your associates when they have personal problems. If Bob’s mom is in the hospital, ask him how she is doing. Show an interest and care for your associates.

Inevitably, this won’t stop you from being accused of something bad one day. But if you impact your associates positively, they will back you up if anything happens. Just make sure that you didn’t actually do what you are accused of, in which case nothing will save you!